Sunday morning commentary...

While watching Bizarre Foods...

E: "What country is Seoul in?"
Me: "Korea."
E: "North or South?"
Me: "Oh. South, I think."
E: "Did you know that North Korea and South Korea don't like each other?"
Me: "Yep. They have a lot of problems."
E: "It's crazy. The President of Asia should step in and be, like, 'Enough already. Share your stuff.'"

A little later...

E: "I'm trying to record Rudolph, but it says two other shows are scheduled to record at that time: New Girl and Teen Mom 2."
Me: "You can cancel New Girl."
E: "Why not Teen Mom 2? Didn't you watch it when it was recorded before?"
Me: "I did. It's a new one."
E: "A new Teen Mom? When will these girls learn? Quit having babies already."

And a little later...

E: "Quit kissing me! It's gross!"
Me: "But I looooove you! It's not gross."
E: "Is, too. They're germy and smell like octopus."
Me: "Octopus?! You're nuts. You've never even smelled an octopus."
E: "I know, but I bet it smells like that leftover turkey you just ate."

A difference of tradition...

E: "Did you know the football game just started?"
Me: "Yep."
E: "So why are we still watching this parade?"
Me: "It's tradition! Yea for parades!"
E: "We've had, like, two hours of your tradition."
*channel changes*

E: "Go Packers! This is MY favorite tradition."
Me: "Game on."

Hope you all have a fabulous Thanksgiving!

Fiscally anti-fun...

On our way to Target to pick up prescriptions...

E: "If I didn't have asthma, we'd probably have more money right now."
Me: "We have plenty of money. And I don't pay for your medicine - my insurance does."
E: "But you have to pay for insurance."
Me: "Right, but I pay for it so we don't have to pay when we need to see a doctor or get medicine."
E: "Oh. That's right. We're just not spending extra because the holidays are coming."
Me: "Right. We're just being responsible so we can buy fun stuff for Christmas."
E: "Yep. We still have money for food and bills and stuff, though."
Me: "Right."
E: "We're just not spending money on fun stuff like Dave & Busters or new toys."
Me: "Right. We're just saving where we can."
E: "Yep. Makes sense. Who needs to have that much fun, anyway?"
Me: *Sigh* "Right."

He does this on purpose: Teacher's edition

I have a lot of theories about my beloved E, and one of them is that he does seemingly innocuous things on a daily basis just to mess with me. I could write a list of recent occurrences, but you'd all just call me crazy. Frankly, I'm not sure you'd be wrong.
It seems that he's found a new target. E is great at spelling. We practice his words in the evening, but I think he would bring home 100's even if we didn't. In Kindergarten, he wrote a short story in class. Some of his letters were backwards and his spacing left much to be desired, but he spelled considered, giraffes, and gigantic correctly.

This test does not surprise me. He makes me proud every week.

It also doesn't surprise me that he would intentionally misspell the word bonus, since he knows Mrs. X isn't grading him on that word. He does this on purpose, people.

I hardly know him...

Outside goofing around...
Me: "What's your favorite subject at school these days?"
E: "You probably know."
Me: "P.E.?"
E: "That's not even a subject."
Me: "I know, but it's what you always say---"
E: "---But it's not a subject. My favorite subject is math."
Me: "That was going to be my next guess."
E: "Yeah. Because math is a subject."
Me: "I know. So what's your favorite time of the day at school?"
E: "You probably know."
Me: "P.E.?"
E: "Why do you keep talking about P.E.?"
Me: "You love P.E."
E: "But it's not my favorite time of the day. Lunch is my favorite time of the day."
Me: "Lunch? Not recess?"
E: "I'm growing, like, an inch a day. I need lots of food to make that happen."
Me: "Oh, ok."
E: "It's like you don't even know me sometimes, silly Mom."

It takes a trained eye...

We recently spent a weekend in Houston visiting some close friends and attending their sweet baby girl's first birthday party. My friend K was creating some targets to use for a water balloon game, and since E was running around like a wild man, K let him help with his project.

I came outside after they'd finished....

E: "Mom! K and I made targets for the game."
Me: "Awesome!"
E: "Can you tell which one I made?"
Me: "Hm. I'm going to guess the one on the right."
E: "How can you tell?"
Me: "It's just a guess."
E: "Sigh. Whatever. You just know my handwriting."

Someone's gotta be responsible...

E: "Whatcha doin', Mom?"
Me: "Just playing around."
E: "That's what I thought. Unless those angry little birds are going to help us clean this place, I think you should take a break so we can get ready for my play date with C."

He has big dreams

At the pool...

E: "Your company does computer stuff, right?"
Me: "Yep."
E: "I'm going to work there when I grow up, too."
Me: "Oh yeah? Why?"
E: "Because then I could see you every day."
Me: "Awww. That would be great!"
E: "And we could drive together since I might still live with you and might not have a car."
Me: "We could drive together, but I'm sure you'll have a car by then."
E: "And we could also take turns using your phone while we're at work."
Me: "My cell phone?"
E: "Yeah, because I'll need to take breaks sometimes and your phone has cool games."
Me: "Yeah, but you'll probably have your own phone, too."
E: "Hm. Well, I guess if I have my own phone and car, I could work somewhere else."
Me: "Wait - you don't want to work with me anymore?"
E: "Well, I might want to do my own thing."
Me: "That's always good. What do you want to do when you grow up?"
E: "I think I'd like to work at Dave and Busters."
Me: "That's a fun place."
E: "Think they give you free tokens when you're not working?"
Me: "I don't know."
E: "Because that kind of job sounds like a lot more fun than computers."
Me: "Oh-"
E: "-but I'll probably still live with you."
Me: *sigh* "Ok."

Tough critic

(Coming home from Grandma's)

E: "Wow. This place is, like, clean-clean."
Me: "I know. Nice, huh?"
E: "Did you wash all the dishes AND put them away?"
Me: "Yep."
E: "And you folded laundry?"
Me: "Yes."
E: "Hey! My bathroom is super clean!"
Me: "I know."
E: "You sure did a lot while I was at Grandma's. Good job!"
Me: "Thanks--"
E: "--but where is all of my stuff that was out here?"
Me: "In your room. Where you should have put it before you left."
E: (Races back to room) "You put my cards on the FLOOR?"
Me: "Yep. You can put them away, babe."
E: "We really shouldn't just throw our things on the floor. We take better care of our stuff."
Me: "You left them out. That's what happens."
E: "I'll be sure to pick them up next time. I don't want my stuff to get damaged just because you decide to clean."
Me: "Sounds good."
E: "You still did a pretty good job, though, Mom. The place looks good."
Me: "Um, thanks."

I'm just the assistant...

E: "What's for lunch today?
Me: "PBJ, carrots, and macaroni."
E: "With juice?"
Me: "Milk."
E: "What are we doing today?"
Me: "I thought we could go to the pool in a bit."
E: "Sounds good. Then what?"
Me: "Then we need to go to the store."
E: "For what?"
Me: "Snacks. For the fireworks tonight."
E: "Ok. Who are we going to see the fireworks with?"
Me: "Papa, Grandma, your cousins..."
E: "Ok. We should pack juice for them, too."
Me: "Will do."
E: "Anything else?"
Me: "That's it. Busy day."
E: "I'm going to go play for a bit. Let me know when you're ready to start all this stuff."

Pee Happens

E: (From the bathroom) "Moooom! Can you bring me some toilet paper?"
Me: "Yep. You ought to check for that before you go poops next time."
E: "No poops. I just peed all over the toilet and floor."
Me: "Awesome."

Moms love wasting your time

Me: "I love the card you made me."
E: "It wasn't that good."
Me: "It was awesome! Moms always love homemade cards the best."
E: "Really? Why?"
Me: "It's extra special because you took the time to make it and it has your words and artwork."
E: "That makes sense. Moms like it when you waste your time."
Me: "Spend your time?"
E: "Yeah. That's what I said."

Mother's Day: Unnecessary shopping. And spending.

While at his Grandma's house (my Mom) on Sunday...

Grandma: "E, when I pick you up from school tomorrow we need to go pick out a Mother's Day gift for your mom."
E: "Ok."
Grandma: "Do you know what you want to get her?"
E: "No. How much can I spend?"
Grandma: "About fifty dollars."
E: "How much of my money do I have to use?"
Grandma: "Ten dollars."
E: "Ten dollars? If we spend exactly fifty dollars, do I still have to use my money?"
Grandma: "Probably not, but you need to bring your money just in case."
E: "Let's just plan on sticking to fifty dollars."

Later (still at Grandma's house)...

E: "Mom, what do you want for Mother's Day?"
Me: "Oh, just something from the heart."
E: "Grandma, she said she wants flowers."

Today, after being picked up by Grandma....

Grandma: "Did you think of what you want to get your mom?"
E: "I was at school learning. I didn't have time to think about random thoughts."
Grandma: "That's random?"
E: "Thinking about what to get mom for Mother's Day is definitely random."

While out shopping with Grandma...

Salesperson: "This Bluetooth is $49.99, and it's the best one we have. Quality-wise, I'd rank it above the one that's $129.99."
Grandma: "Thanks for your help."
E: "Grandma? You were just thinking about the $49.99 one, right? And not the really expensive one?"
Me: "Yes, but I don't think we're going to get it."
E: "Good."

On our way home from Grandma's....

Me: "So did you guys find a gift while you were out?"
E: "No. She told me to think about it and she'll take me shopping this weekend."
Me: "Oh, ok."
E: "I'm not sure if I'll have time to think about it much, though. Hopefully she'll have some ideas."
Me: "Awesome."


Expectations: I don't have them.

We just didn't know any better

E: "Mom? Is the TAKS test done on paper or a computer?"
Me: "You know, I'm not sure. When I was in school, it was on paper."
E: "So it's probably on a computer now."
Me: "Maybe."
E: "Probably. Old people did stuff on paper, but we do the same stuff on computers."
Me: "I'm not that old, sweets."
E: "You were born in, like, the 1900's. That makes you pretty old."
Me: "Whatever. We had computers when I was a kid, too."
E: "Yeah, but they were brand new. All you could do was type words and play Frogger."
Me: "Frogger was awesome."
E: "Frogger's ok, but it's not 'awesome' (insert rude air quotes). You guys just didn't know any better."

Round and round...

5 minutes after he was tucked in to bed...

E: "Mom, guess what?!"
Me: "What? What are you doing awake?"
E: "I had to do something important."
Me: "What did you do?"
E: "Counted my money. Can you believe I have SEVENTY dollars?!"
Me: "That's awesome, bubs. You really need to go to bed."
E: "I know, but I can't stop thinking about what to buy."
Me: "Let's think about it in the morning."
E: "Maybe a Wii game. But which one?"
Me: "Think tomorrow. Let's go."
E: "Or a car."
Me: "A car? You'll need to save for a while."
E: "I know. Can you believe I'll be driving in 9 years?"
Me: *shudder* "I know."
E: "If I start saving now, I could have the coolest car ever."
Me: "Definitely. Off to bed--"
E: "--and all my friends would be like, 'Dude! Check out E's car!' and I'll be like, 'Yeah. I've been saving since I was 7.'"
Me: "You can do it if you try. Come on. I'll tuck you in."
E: "If I save $20 a month until I'm 16, I'll have a TON of money."
Me: "Yep. You'll be able to buy a car. That's awesome."
E: "I could probably do it."
Me: "I'm sure. You'll just have to keep saving."
E: "Yeah. Maybe I'll just buy a Wii game instead."
Me: "Bed."

Word of the Day: Vagina

Vagina
[vah-ji´nah]

–noun
1. The area between a girl's legs.
2. The proper word. Not to be confused with vajayjay or any other made-up synonym thrown around by grown adults.

Origin:
Sometime around 2005. There comes a time in every young boy's life when they accuse their mother of having a penis. I acted like a responsible adult and explained that boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. End of discussion.

Popular Quotes:
Daycare Teacher (DT): "E had a hard time listening today. He also had to speak with K (the Director) after I heard him talking with his friends about a certain body part."
Me: "What? What part?"
DT: "Rhymes with China."
Me. "Vagina?"
DT: "Yes." (Editor's Note: Two points for me!)
Me: "What was he saying?"
DT: "He was playing tag and yelled it across the playground."
Me: "Ok. We'll discuss. Thank you."

Two minutes later...
Me: "Why in the world were you yelling vagina across the playground?"
E: "I don't understand why I'm in trouble. We were playing Chinese Freeze Tag and J didn't understand the rules. He needed to unfreeze L, so I told him to crawl under her vagina."
Me: "You yelled 'crawl under her vagina!' across the playground?! Come on, bub, you know better. Why didn't you tell him to crawl between her legs?"
E: "That would have worked, too."

(Editor's Note: I apologize in advance for any parents who were faced with questions about crawling under a vagina. Please don't label me as that Mom.)

School: unnecessary paperwork

Ah, science projects. A time to experiment. A time to test the boundaries of your world and expand your knowledge.

Unless, of course, you're a genius (ahem). In which case experiments are an unnecessary exercise in documenting things you already know.

("We already know that sounds travels best through air.")

He does, however, enjoy this kind of project. E is E's favorite subject.

It always makes me laugh to go through his school work. God bless you, Mrs. X. You have your hands full with this boy!

Cleaning time is no time for fun

"Cleaning Time is Fun Time" started about 2 hours ago. I turned up the radio and told him we were going to get this place clean and have fun dancing at the same time. He frowned initially, but I explained that it wasn't a bad thing - it was a fun thing! He believed me because I was so excited...and actually started cleaning after I threatened him.

E walked into the living room an hour later:

E: "Why are you sitting? On Facebook?!"
Me: "Just taking a quick break to check something. About to get started again."
E: "You didn't tell me it was break time."
Me: "You're doing so great in there! I'm so proud of you!"
E: "How long is break time?"
Me: "Done now. Getting back to work."
E: "If you're done in here, can you please help me with my room?"
Me: "I'm not done. See? Still a mess in here."
E: "I know. That's my point."

Since 3/4 of the things he said are things that I've previously said to him, I'm going to list this chat in the W column since he apparently listens to me. Sometime.

Go bless yourself

Me: *Earth-rattling sneeze*
E:   .....
Me: "Hello?"
E: "What?"
Me: "I sneezed."
E: "Oh. I didn't hear you."
Me: "You're close enough for me to touch. How did you not hear that?"
E: *shrug*

60 seconds later:

Me: *Earth-rattling sneeze*
E:   .....
Me: "You didn't hear that one?"
E: "Did you sneeze again?"
Me: "Yes. It was loud."
E: "Sorry. I'm listening to this song. Can you please turn it up a little?"

2 minutes later:

Me: *Earth-rattling sneeze*
E: "I heard it that time."
Me: "And?"
E: "It was loud."
Me: "What do you say when someone sneezes?"
E: "Excuse me?"
Me: "No...."
E: "Oh. Bless you."

5 minutes later:

Me: *Earth-rattling sneeze*
E: "Excuse you."

Sigh. Progress?

Calming him depresses me

E: "Mom! There's something wrong with my skin!"
Me: "What? What's wrong?"
E: "When I was in the shower, I noticed that my skin is really straight."
Me: "Straight? What are you talking about?"
E: "It doesn't have any bumps or wrinkles."
Me: "It's not supposed to have bumps or wrinkles."
E: "Then why is your skin so bumpy and wrinkly?"
Me: "What?! It's not bumpy and wrinkly."
E: (Pointing to my stomach and rubbing his cheek) "Like here on you."
Me: "Well, some bumps and wrinkles just happen when you get older."
E: "So my skin is fine? It's just 'cuz I'm young?"
Me: "Yes, love."
E: "And yours is like that because you're older?"
Me: "And because I have you."

It's a mom thing

Me: "E, why are these toys back in my purse?"
E: "I found them in my room."
Me: "Right. That's where I put them after I took them out of my purse."
E: "I thought that was an accident."
Me: "No, I don't want them in here."
E: "But I like them there. If we go somewhere and I get bored, it's good for you to have them."
Me: "So why don't you bring them if we're going somewhere?"
E: "I don't think about stuff like that."
Me: "I don't want all of this stuff weighing down my purse. It's heavy."
E: "It's a mom thing. I count on you for that."

Blatant omission of bubbles

Location of the crime: My bathroom.
Evidence: An empty bottle of body wash.
Suspect: E, of course. Last seen taking a shower last night.

This morning, 6am:

Me: "E! This bottle was brand new! What happened, bud?"
E: "Nothing. It was almost empty."
Me: "Was not! I just opened it on Friday."
E: "Right. But it was almost empty after it spilled."
Me: "It spilled? How?"
E: "When I took the lid off, it spilled all over the place."
Me: "Why did you take the lid off?"
E: "I don't know. It probably wasn't a good idea."
Me: "Well, no, it wasn't---"
E: "---But it was crazy. There were bubbles everywhere! It almost filled up the whole tub!"
Me: "What?! How come you didn't say anything about it when you got out of the shower?"
E: "I figured it wasn't the best way to end our night. It was almost bedtime."
Me: "You need to let me know next time."
E: "I will. But we'll forget all about this by the time we get home tonight, right?"

He admires average people

We had E's Open House tonight at school. He had to write a paper in class about who he admires and he decided to write it about me. He wrote about how I'm so smart, how I help him with his homework, and how I know how to spell almost every word so he usually trusts me when I tell him that he got one wrong.

I was having a sweet moment of pride, and thought I'd include E. It was a mistake.

Me: "Thanks for writing that awesome paper about me!"
E: "You're welcome."
Me: "And thanks for saying you think I'm really smart! That was sweet."
E: "You're welcome. You're usually pretty smart."

We walked halfway down the hall before it occurred to me that he said usually.

Me: "Wait. You said usually. You don't think I'm smart all the time?"
E: "We all make mistakes sometimes."
Me: "Right. But you can make mistakes and still be smart at the same time."
E: "Really smart people don't make a lot of mistakes, though."
Me: "Wait - you think I make a lot of mistakes?"
E: "We learn from mistakes. And then we're smarter."

Word of the Day: Weenus

Weenus
[WEE-nuhs]

–noun
1. The area between a boy's legs.
2. A word that once became so overused that it was banned from our home.

Origin:
Sometime around 2009. I'm pretty sure he learned it at school, but it's entirely possible that he picked it up from some show that a responsible parent wouldn't allow their child to watch. Your guess is as good as mine.

Popular Quotes:
E: "Ow! I just fell down and I think I broke my weenus."
Me: "What have I said about saying weenus?"
E: "That you don't like the word weenus."
Me. "Ok, then. Stop saying it."
E: "Fine. I'll have to come up with another word that means the same thing as weenus."

(Editor's Note: While he's off reinventing the wheel, silence is being savored.)

The Y chromosome is allergic to Kohl's

Random tidbits from our shopping adventure today:

5 minutes after walking in to the store:
E: "Are we almost done?"
Me: "No. We just got here."
E: "Is there something specific you need?"
Me: "Just shopping around."
E: "Then why are we here?"
Me: "I want to look for some shirts."
E: "Sounds specific to me."
---
Later, in regards to the mannequins:

E: (As loud as possible) "Do these things have private parts?"
Me: "Shhh. Not really."
E: "Then why did they put underwear on them?"
Me: "I guess they're trying to show us what the underwear would look like when you're wearing it."
E: "I don't think it would look like that on real people."
Me: "I agree, son."
---
E: "Do you like that shirt you're holding?"
Me: "Yes."
E: "I don't think that color is pretty. But sometimes we don't agree."
---
E: "I like that shirt. But it does kind of make your butt look big."
(Please note that I only tried on a shirt. I was wearing the same pants I wore to the store.)
---
E: "Are these the shoes Tony Hawk always wears?"
Me: "No, but I think he helped design them."
E: "What?! Why would Tony Hawk waste his time on shoes? Don't girls usually make shoes?"
Me: "No way. Boys and girls both make shoes."
E: "Weird."
---
Me: "Let's go get you some new underwear."
E: "Why? I have a lot of underwear."
Me: "But you need new stuff. They're getting worn down."
E: "No, look - the ones I'm wearing are fine."
Me: "There a hole right there in the waistband."
E: "Only one, though."
---
E: "Are we done here?"
Me: "Yeah, we can go ahead and go."
E: "I'm exhausted."
Me: "Me too."
E: "My feet are tired."
Me: "My brain is tired."

Parent-Teacher Conference: A Poem

E is so special, so smart, and so sweet,
He’s always the first to help someone in need.
His testing is awesome, look here – a big jump!
He’s always the first one to line up for lunch.
His friends think he’s funny, they laugh all the time,
If he had a stage, that’s where he’d truly shine.
But here in the classroom, we have quite a struggle,
Since our little clown cannot seem to juggle,
The work that’s required despite all the laughs,
So sometimes he sits in the front of the class.
I’ve seen quite a change in the last two weeks,
His attention span broadened, his quality peaked.
It’s been much better lately, this much I can say,
(Me) “Well, yeah, since he knew we were meeting today.”

When in doubt, be vague

Here's a life tip, E:

In school, the correct answer to a question is rarely in the form of another question. You would have had a 50/50 shot with Yes or No. Just sayin'.

At least he can spell, right?

While eating dinner...

E: "Some kids at school were saying a bad word today."
Me: "They were? That's not good."
E: "Yep. They were talking about TFC (Texas Football Club) but instead of saying football, they said a different word that starts with F."
Me: "That's a really bad word. I'm glad you weren't saying that word."
E: "Oh, I know. Do you know which word I'm talking about?"
Me: "Yep. Not good."
E: "The one that starts with F and the next letter is U?"
Me: "Yes. Not a good word."
E: "I know. I would never say that. The next letter is C?"
Me: "No more spelling. I know the word. It's definitely a bad one, and I'm glad you know better than to use that word."
E: "Well, yeah. I'd get in big trouble if I ever said the F_#_#_# word."

Me, staring blankly at him.

E: "That's the word you were thinking of, right?"

You'll understand one day...or not

In regards to my mad skills at Galaga:

Me: "I've been playing this for a looong time, bubs. One day you'll play Mario with your kids, and they'll wonder why you're so good at it."
E: "If I even have kids."
Me: "You don't want kids?"
E: "Probably not. I don't want to have to spend all of my money on toys for them. Seems like such a waste."

There are no words.

(February 28)

My concern is obnoxious

Me: "Um, what happened to your other sock?"
E: "Good question."
Me: "Was it on when you woke up?"
E: "No clue."
Me: "Why don't you take off the other one?"
E: "My foot would be cold."
Me: "Do you want a new one for the other foot?"
E: "Nah. That one isn't cold."
Me: "Want pants?"
E: "Nope. You're asking a lot of questions today."

 

(February 28)

No, I need a wife

E: "You should really try to find a husband."
Me: "What? Why is that?"
E: "I just think you could use some help around here."

A) Is he saying I'm not doing a good enough job?
B) I like that he's looking for outside assistance rather than offering to help me.

Stinker.

(February 16)

Not smarter than me...yet.

E quizzing me earlier...

"2+2?"
"4"
"4+4?"
..."8"
"8+8?"
"16"
"16+16?"
"32"
"32+32?"
"64"
"64+64?"
"128"
"128+128?"
"256"
"256+256?"
"512"

E: "Hm. I guess you're pretty smart. I totally thought you'd miss the last few questions."

Um, thanks for the vote of confidence? :))

(February 11)

Do as I say, not as I do

Leaving for school/work this morning...

Me: "Be careful on the ice, Bubs. It's super slippe..."
*thump* "OW!"
E: "Mama, you should be more careful on the ice. It's super slippery."

Ow.

(February 10)

Space is good...as long as I'm close

He just came into the living room, handed me a walkie-talkie, and said we need space. He told me that we can use the walkie-talkies to discuss emergencies.

He's had about 37 emergencies in the last 2 minutes.

"This is Mom, signing off."

(February 4)

I'd like to give the world a...beaver?

E: "I feel really bad for homeless people that are outside today. It's so cold and I hope they stay warm. Maybe they could build a fire...but they'd have to have a knife to cut down a tree. Or a pet beaver."

Wait...what? LOL.

(February 2)

Lying...you're doing it wrong.

Found candy wrappers in the trash can when I went to empty it tonight. I asked the kiddo why he was sneaking candy. He put his hand on his chest, acted offended, and said it wasn't him.

News flash: It's just you and I in this house, kiddo. I didn't eat the candy (this time), and I'm pretty sure the cats can't open the wrappers. I don't condone lying, but if you're going to do it, be smart about it.

(January 29)

He said what?

At the grocery store this evening....

E: "What did that guy just say to you?"
Me: "He said I'm pretty."
E: "What? Why? You're wearing a T-shirt."
Me: "I guess he still thought I looked pretty."
E: "Hm. I guess that's nice, then."

(January 28)

Newsflash: I'm not God

Me: "Try to make good choices in class today. We need a good report this week so you won't lose more privileges."
E: "I don't want to lose more privileges, Mom!"
Me: "I don't want you to, either."
E: "Then don't take them away."
Me: "If you don't behave, I have to, sweets. It's my job as a mom to help you learn."
E: "You don't have to. You're not God. You have a choice."

(January 28)

He needs his rest

Me: "Bedtime, sweets. Go brush your teeth."
E: "I was already heading that way anyway. I have a big day tomorrow and need my rest."
Me: "You have a big day tomorrow? What's happening?"
E: "It's Wednesday. Double P.E. and ice cream day. All in one day."

Don't you wish your big days involved P.E. and ice cream?

(January 18)

Move along, Mom

Me: "So you had testing at school today? How'd it go?"
E: "Good."
Me: "Did you feel like you knew a lot of it, or was it really hard?"
E: "I knew a lot of it. Some of it was stupid, like, 'circle 3 elephants' and some of it was just crazy hard, like, 'What is 2 x 1 x 100?' Just Crazy."
Me: "Do you know how to do that kind of problem?"
E: "Yeah."
Me: "So what's the answer?"
E: "The test is over now, Mom."

(January 13)

Viva la resistance

E: "I love you, Mom. You're the best Mom that ever resisted."
Me: "Resisted?"
E: "Yep. I'm glad you resist."
Me: "Exist?"
E: "Yes. Exist. That's what I said."

My sweet E - I'm so glad we resist together :))

(December 31, 2010)

He'd prefer green beans

(In reference to the raw broccoli and ranch I was eating)

E: "You seriously like that?"
Me: "Mhmm. Probably my favorite way to eat broccoli."
E: "My favorite way is hot with cheese."
Me: "What's your second favorite?"
E: "I don't have a second. I barely even have a first. It's broccoli. Gross."

Point taken.

(December 5, 2010)

Yea for public school!

Watching Polar Express (love it!):

E: "That boy said yes, but he really meant no. Haha...those words are total antonyms."
Me: "Did you just say antonyms?!"
E: "Yeah. Do you know what that means?"

♥ He just made his English-loving Mama's night! ♥

(December 3, 2010)

Self-entertained

Gave the kiddo a blank piece of paper and a pen to draw while we waited for our food. After a minute...

E: "A?...yes! D?...yes! E?...yes!"
Me: "What are you doing?"
E: "Playing hangman."
Me: "By yourself?"
E: "Yep. This one was crazy - 'A deer is a weird animal.' Hahaha...who thinks of stuff like that?!"

Um. Yeah. Living with a schizo.

(November 21, 2010)

He's so patient with me

Hmph. Found this note in the kitchen this morning. Apparently, Bad Mom keeps forgetting that empty Capri Sun pouches should be taken to his school for recycling. He's resorted to using my post-it notes. Ha!



(November 18, 2010)

Just say thanks, Mom

I was coloring E's place-mat while I waited for him to finish his dessert at the restaurant:

E: "You're a really good colorer, Mom. I think you might be better than me!"
Me: (humoring him) "No way! I think you're way better than I am."
E: "I know that, but I was trying to give you a compliment. It's nice to say 'thank you' when someone gives you a compliment."
Me: "Oh. Thanks, then."

(November 8, 2010)

I'll learn to love him from a distance

On our way in the house after spending a couple hours at the park:

Me: "You smell."
E: "No, I don't."
Me: "Yes, you do."
*E sits down on the couch and his eyes widen*
E: "Ew. I can smell myself. Gross. Can I take a shower?"
Me: "Please."

Let the smelly times begin....

(November 6, 2010)

Like mother, like son

The other day, my friend posted a sweet status about overhearing her daughter singing church songs while she was cleaning her room.

My son is currently cleaning his room, and I just overheard him singing Tik Tok by Kesha. I've had prouder moments.

(October 10, 2010)

He's a walking germ

E: "Mom? My nose hurts."
Me: "It does? Does it hurt when you touch it?"
E: "No, it only hurts when I stick my finger in my nose."
Me: "So won't it stop hurting if you stop putting your finger in your nose?"
E: "Probably."
Me: "Can you stop, then?"
E: "Yes."
Me: "And can you please wash your hands?"
E: "Yes."

-_-

(October 9, 2010)

Medicine: always terrible

Midnight, My House, Last Night:

Me: "Please take this cough medicine. It'll help us both sleep."
E: "I can't. I caaaan't. It's terrible!"
Me: "How about this one? Tastes like orange!"
E: "No way."
Me: "We all have to take medicine sometimes. It stinks, I know. Let's do this quickly so that we can get back to bed."
*E takes medicine*
Me: "See? Not so bad, huh?"
*E throws up on my carpet*
"Terrible. Just like last time."

(September 29, 2010)

Chick flicks

The Sound of Music is on TV, and I was telling E about how I remember watching it for the first time with my mom and how special it was.

Me: "It's a great movie! And see - lots of fun songs!"
E: "I don't think it's really that great. Kind of medium. Maybe it's because I'm a boy."
Me: "I don't think it's a girl movie--"
E: "--it is. No offense."

Oh well.I tried.

(September 5, 2010)

How would he know?

Me: "Glad you had fun at school! Did you behave?"
E: "I think so."
Me: "You think so, or you know so?"
E: "I think so. There's just no way to know for sure."

*sigh*

(August 24, 2010)

Girls are just different

In regards to using manners at his first sleepover tomorrow:

E: "But when I answer him, I should say 'yes, sir' instead of 'yes, ma'am' since he's a boy, not a girl. Girls scream like a girl and they're scared of bugs."
Me: "They are?"
E: "Well...you are. But he doesn't do silly stuff like that."
(insert judgmental look)
Me: "I'm not scared of bugs!"
E: "Oh, come on, Mom."

(July 29, 2010)

No fun on his watch

Went to the pool for a few hours until we were rained out. I felt one drop, told the kiddo it was time to go, and didn't even have time to get back to the chair to gather my stuff before it started POURING.

I decided to enjoy the moment and dance around in the rain as we were walking back home. E was not amused. Rather than join me, he informed me that it wasn't very smart to dance in the rain in a parking lot and that it wasn't his fault if I was hit by lightning.

Thanks, Captain Buzzkill.

(July 3, 2010)

At least the birds can enjoy it

One last ripe, delicious cherry tomato left on the vine...

E: "Can I eat it?"
Me: "You don't even like tomatoes."
E: "Yes I do," with a tone implying that I clearly know nothing about his life.
Me: "Ok, then."
E washes the tomato and pops it in his mouth.
Me: "Is it good?"
E: "No, it's terrible!"
*Spits it onto the ground in a dramatic fashion*
E: "I forgot that I don't like tomatoes."
Me: "Ok, then."

(July 1, 2010)

Alaska's got nothing on Africa

E: "Mama? Did you know that Texas is the 2nd biggest state?"
Me: "I do! Do you know what the biggest state is?"
E: "Of course. Africa."

(June 14, 2010)

Self-centeredness is next to Godliness

Another bedtime story...

Me: "Thank you for being such a great kiddo today at PaPa's. I love you."
E: "Yeah. I'm just like God."
Me: "Well, you're just the way God made you. Which is just about perfect."
E: "Yeah. That's what I meant."

Honestly? I wouldn't be shocked if he meant it the way he said it the first time.

(May 31, 2010)

Goodnight...but wait

Me: "Goodnight, Baby. Love you bunches!"
E: "Love you, too, Mommy."
Me: "Have sweet dreams and I'll see you in the morning."
E: "Ok. Quick question before you go...how do boys and girls make babies?"
Me: "What?"

(May 23, 2010)

About me

My mom's name is Sara. She is 6 feet tall. She weighs 140 pounds (love him!). She is 28 years old. She is as pretty as an angel. Her favorite food is shishie (sushi). When my mom was little, she liked to ride her bike and go to school. My favorite thing about my mother is that she takes care of me and plays with me. She looks prettiest when we go to a restaurant.

- Evan's school project for Mother's Day

(May 12, 2010)

I want for nothing

My mom was talking to E about what I might want him to get me for Mother's Day. His response?

"She pretty much has everything she needs."

Thanks, kiddo.

(May 7, 2010)

Tomayto, Tomahto

While watching Blue's Clues:

E: "That family celebrates Hanukkah."
Me: "Yep."
E: "They're just like us, except they're jealous."
Me: "What?"
E: "You know. Like we're Christian, and they're jealous."
Me: "You mean JEWISH?"
E: "Yeah. Jewish. That's what I said."

(December 20, 2009)

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