In regards to my mad skills at Galaga:
Me: "I've been playing this for a looong time, bubs. One day you'll play Mario with your kids, and they'll wonder why you're so good at it."
E: "If I even have kids."
Me: "You don't want kids?"
E: "Probably not. I don't want to have to spend all of my money on toys for them. Seems like such a waste."
There are no words.
(February 28)
February 28, 2011
My concern is obnoxious
Me: "Um, what happened to your other sock?"
E: "Good question."
Me: "Was it on when you woke up?"
E: "No clue."
Me: "Why don't you take off the other one?"
E: "My foot would be cold."
Me: "Do you want a new one for the other foot?"
E: "Nah. That one isn't cold."
Me: "Want pants?"
E: "Nope. You're asking a lot of questions today."
(February 28)
E: "Good question."
Me: "Was it on when you woke up?"
E: "No clue."
Me: "Why don't you take off the other one?"
E: "My foot would be cold."
Me: "Do you want a new one for the other foot?"
E: "Nah. That one isn't cold."
Me: "Want pants?"
E: "Nope. You're asking a lot of questions today."
No, I need a wife
E: "You should really try to find a husband."
Me: "What? Why is that?"
E: "I just think you could use some help around here."
A) Is he saying I'm not doing a good enough job?
B) I like that he's looking for outside assistance rather than offering to help me.
Stinker.
(February 16)
Me: "What? Why is that?"
E: "I just think you could use some help around here."
A) Is he saying I'm not doing a good enough job?
B) I like that he's looking for outside assistance rather than offering to help me.
Stinker.
(February 16)
Not smarter than me...yet.
E quizzing me earlier...
"2+2?"
"4"
"4+4?"
..."8"
"8+8?"
"16"
"16+16?"
"32"
"32+32?"
"64"
"64+64?"
"128"
"128+128?"
"256"
"256+256?"
"512"
E: "Hm. I guess you're pretty smart. I totally thought you'd miss the last few questions."
Um, thanks for the vote of confidence? :))
(February 11)
"2+2?"
"4"
"4+4?"
..."8"
"8+8?"
"16"
"16+16?"
"32"
"32+32?"
"64"
"64+64?"
"128"
"128+128?"
"256"
"256+256?"
"512"
E: "Hm. I guess you're pretty smart. I totally thought you'd miss the last few questions."
Um, thanks for the vote of confidence? :))
(February 11)
Do as I say, not as I do
Leaving for school/work this morning...
Me: "Be careful on the ice, Bubs. It's super slippe..."
*thump* "OW!"
E: "Mama, you should be more careful on the ice. It's super slippery."
Ow.
(February 10)
Me: "Be careful on the ice, Bubs. It's super slippe..."
*thump* "OW!"
E: "Mama, you should be more careful on the ice. It's super slippery."
Ow.
(February 10)
Space is good...as long as I'm close
He just came into the living room, handed me a walkie-talkie, and said we need space. He told me that we can use the walkie-talkies to discuss emergencies.
He's had about 37 emergencies in the last 2 minutes.
"This is Mom, signing off."
(February 4)
He's had about 37 emergencies in the last 2 minutes.
"This is Mom, signing off."
(February 4)
I'd like to give the world a...beaver?
E: "I feel really bad for homeless people that are outside today. It's so cold and I hope they stay warm. Maybe they could build a fire...but they'd have to have a knife to cut down a tree. Or a pet beaver."
Wait...what? LOL.
(February 2)
Wait...what? LOL.
(February 2)
Lying...you're doing it wrong.
Found candy wrappers in the trash can when I went to empty it tonight. I asked the kiddo why he was sneaking candy. He put his hand on his chest, acted offended, and said it wasn't him.
News flash: It's just you and I in this house, kiddo. I didn't eat the candy (this time), and I'm pretty sure the cats can't open the wrappers. I don't condone lying, but if you're going to do it, be smart about it.
(January 29)
News flash: It's just you and I in this house, kiddo. I didn't eat the candy (this time), and I'm pretty sure the cats can't open the wrappers. I don't condone lying, but if you're going to do it, be smart about it.
(January 29)
He said what?
At the grocery store this evening....
E: "What did that guy just say to you?"
Me: "He said I'm pretty."
E: "What? Why? You're wearing a T-shirt."
Me: "I guess he still thought I looked pretty."
E: "Hm. I guess that's nice, then."
(January 28)
E: "What did that guy just say to you?"
Me: "He said I'm pretty."
E: "What? Why? You're wearing a T-shirt."
Me: "I guess he still thought I looked pretty."
E: "Hm. I guess that's nice, then."
(January 28)
Newsflash: I'm not God
Me: "Try to make good choices in class today. We need a good report this week so you won't lose more privileges."
E: "I don't want to lose more privileges, Mom!"
Me: "I don't want you to, either."
E: "Then don't take them away."
Me: "If you don't behave, I have to, sweets. It's my job as a mom to help you learn."
E: "You don't have to. You're not God. You have a choice."
(January 28)
E: "I don't want to lose more privileges, Mom!"
Me: "I don't want you to, either."
E: "Then don't take them away."
Me: "If you don't behave, I have to, sweets. It's my job as a mom to help you learn."
E: "You don't have to. You're not God. You have a choice."
(January 28)
He needs his rest
Me: "Bedtime, sweets. Go brush your teeth."
E: "I was already heading that way anyway. I have a big day tomorrow and need my rest."
Me: "You have a big day tomorrow? What's happening?"
E: "It's Wednesday. Double P.E. and ice cream day. All in one day."
Don't you wish your big days involved P.E. and ice cream?
(January 18)
E: "I was already heading that way anyway. I have a big day tomorrow and need my rest."
Me: "You have a big day tomorrow? What's happening?"
E: "It's Wednesday. Double P.E. and ice cream day. All in one day."
Don't you wish your big days involved P.E. and ice cream?
(January 18)
Move along, Mom
Me: "So you had testing at school today? How'd it go?"
E: "Good."
Me: "Did you feel like you knew a lot of it, or was it really hard?"
E: "I knew a lot of it. Some of it was stupid, like, 'circle 3 elephants' and some of it was just crazy hard, like, 'What is 2 x 1 x 100?' Just Crazy."
Me: "Do you know how to do that kind of problem?"
E: "Yeah."
Me: "So what's the answer?"
E: "The test is over now, Mom."
(January 13)
E: "Good."
Me: "Did you feel like you knew a lot of it, or was it really hard?"
E: "I knew a lot of it. Some of it was stupid, like, 'circle 3 elephants' and some of it was just crazy hard, like, 'What is 2 x 1 x 100?' Just Crazy."
Me: "Do you know how to do that kind of problem?"
E: "Yeah."
Me: "So what's the answer?"
E: "The test is over now, Mom."
(January 13)
Viva la resistance
E: "I love you, Mom. You're the best Mom that ever resisted."
Me: "Resisted?"
E: "Yep. I'm glad you resist."
Me: "Exist?"
E: "Yes. Exist. That's what I said."
My sweet E - I'm so glad we resist together :))
(December 31, 2010)
Me: "Resisted?"
E: "Yep. I'm glad you resist."
Me: "Exist?"
E: "Yes. Exist. That's what I said."
My sweet E - I'm so glad we resist together :))
(December 31, 2010)
He'd prefer green beans
(In reference to the raw broccoli and ranch I was eating)
E: "You seriously like that?"
Me: "Mhmm. Probably my favorite way to eat broccoli."
E: "My favorite way is hot with cheese."
Me: "What's your second favorite?"
E: "I don't have a second. I barely even have a first. It's broccoli. Gross."
Point taken.
(December 5, 2010)
E: "You seriously like that?"
Me: "Mhmm. Probably my favorite way to eat broccoli."
E: "My favorite way is hot with cheese."
Me: "What's your second favorite?"
E: "I don't have a second. I barely even have a first. It's broccoli. Gross."
Point taken.
(December 5, 2010)
Yea for public school!
Watching Polar Express (love it!):
E: "That boy said yes, but he really meant no. Haha...those words are total antonyms."
Me: "Did you just say antonyms?!"
E: "Yeah. Do you know what that means?"
♥ He just made his English-loving Mama's night! ♥
(December 3, 2010)
E: "That boy said yes, but he really meant no. Haha...those words are total antonyms."
Me: "Did you just say antonyms?!"
E: "Yeah. Do you know what that means?"
♥ He just made his English-loving Mama's night! ♥
(December 3, 2010)
Self-entertained
Gave the kiddo a blank piece of paper and a pen to draw while we waited for our food. After a minute...
E: "A?...yes! D?...yes! E?...yes!"
Me: "What are you doing?"
E: "Playing hangman."
Me: "By yourself?"
E: "Yep. This one was crazy - 'A deer is a weird animal.' Hahaha...who thinks of stuff like that?!"
Um. Yeah. Living with a schizo.
(November 21, 2010)
E: "A?...yes! D?...yes! E?...yes!"
Me: "What are you doing?"
E: "Playing hangman."
Me: "By yourself?"
E: "Yep. This one was crazy - 'A deer is a weird animal.' Hahaha...who thinks of stuff like that?!"
Um. Yeah. Living with a schizo.
(November 21, 2010)
He's so patient with me
Hmph. Found this note in the kitchen this morning. Apparently, Bad Mom keeps forgetting that empty Capri Sun pouches should be taken to his school for recycling. He's resorted to using my post-it notes. Ha!
(November 18, 2010)
(November 18, 2010)
Just say thanks, Mom
I was coloring E's place-mat while I waited for him to finish his dessert at the restaurant:
E: "You're a really good colorer, Mom. I think you might be better than me!"
Me: (humoring him) "No way! I think you're way better than I am."
E: "I know that, but I was trying to give you a compliment. It's nice to say 'thank you' when someone gives you a compliment."
Me: "Oh. Thanks, then."
(November 8, 2010)
E: "You're a really good colorer, Mom. I think you might be better than me!"
Me: (humoring him) "No way! I think you're way better than I am."
E: "I know that, but I was trying to give you a compliment. It's nice to say 'thank you' when someone gives you a compliment."
Me: "Oh. Thanks, then."
(November 8, 2010)
I'll learn to love him from a distance
On our way in the house after spending a couple hours at the park:
Me: "You smell."
E: "No, I don't."
Me: "Yes, you do."
*E sits down on the couch and his eyes widen*
E: "Ew. I can smell myself. Gross. Can I take a shower?"
Me: "Please."
Let the smelly times begin....
(November 6, 2010)
Me: "You smell."
E: "No, I don't."
Me: "Yes, you do."
*E sits down on the couch and his eyes widen*
E: "Ew. I can smell myself. Gross. Can I take a shower?"
Me: "Please."
Let the smelly times begin....
(November 6, 2010)
Like mother, like son
The other day, my friend posted a sweet status about overhearing her daughter singing church songs while she was cleaning her room.
My son is currently cleaning his room, and I just overheard him singing Tik Tok by Kesha. I've had prouder moments.
(October 10, 2010)
My son is currently cleaning his room, and I just overheard him singing Tik Tok by Kesha. I've had prouder moments.
(October 10, 2010)
He's a walking germ
E: "Mom? My nose hurts."
Me: "It does? Does it hurt when you touch it?"
E: "No, it only hurts when I stick my finger in my nose."
Me: "So won't it stop hurting if you stop putting your finger in your nose?"
E: "Probably."
Me: "Can you stop, then?"
E: "Yes."
Me: "And can you please wash your hands?"
E: "Yes."
-_-
(October 9, 2010)
Me: "It does? Does it hurt when you touch it?"
E: "No, it only hurts when I stick my finger in my nose."
Me: "So won't it stop hurting if you stop putting your finger in your nose?"
E: "Probably."
Me: "Can you stop, then?"
E: "Yes."
Me: "And can you please wash your hands?"
E: "Yes."
-_-
(October 9, 2010)
Medicine: always terrible
Midnight, My House, Last Night:
Me: "Please take this cough medicine. It'll help us both sleep."
E: "I can't. I caaaan't. It's terrible!"
Me: "How about this one? Tastes like orange!"
E: "No way."
Me: "We all have to take medicine sometimes. It stinks, I know. Let's do this quickly so that we can get back to bed."
*E takes medicine*
Me: "See? Not so bad, huh?"
*E throws up on my carpet*
"Terrible. Just like last time."
(September 29, 2010)
Me: "Please take this cough medicine. It'll help us both sleep."
E: "I can't. I caaaan't. It's terrible!"
Me: "How about this one? Tastes like orange!"
E: "No way."
Me: "We all have to take medicine sometimes. It stinks, I know. Let's do this quickly so that we can get back to bed."
*E takes medicine*
Me: "See? Not so bad, huh?"
*E throws up on my carpet*
"Terrible. Just like last time."
(September 29, 2010)
Chick flicks
The Sound of Music is on TV, and I was telling E about how I remember watching it for the first time with my mom and how special it was.
Me: "It's a great movie! And see - lots of fun songs!"
E: "I don't think it's really that great. Kind of medium. Maybe it's because I'm a boy."
Me: "I don't think it's a girl movie--"
E: "--it is. No offense."
Oh well.I tried.
(September 5, 2010)
Me: "It's a great movie! And see - lots of fun songs!"
E: "I don't think it's really that great. Kind of medium. Maybe it's because I'm a boy."
Me: "I don't think it's a girl movie--"
E: "--it is. No offense."
Oh well.I tried.
(September 5, 2010)
How would he know?
Me: "Glad you had fun at school! Did you behave?"
E: "I think so."
Me: "You think so, or you know so?"
E: "I think so. There's just no way to know for sure."
*sigh*
(August 24, 2010)
E: "I think so."
Me: "You think so, or you know so?"
E: "I think so. There's just no way to know for sure."
*sigh*
(August 24, 2010)
Girls are just different
In regards to using manners at his first sleepover tomorrow:
E: "But when I answer him, I should say 'yes, sir' instead of 'yes, ma'am' since he's a boy, not a girl. Girls scream like a girl and they're scared of bugs."
Me: "They are?"
E: "Well...you are. But he doesn't do silly stuff like that."
(insert judgmental look)
Me: "I'm not scared of bugs!"
E: "Oh, come on, Mom."
(July 29, 2010)
E: "But when I answer him, I should say 'yes, sir' instead of 'yes, ma'am' since he's a boy, not a girl. Girls scream like a girl and they're scared of bugs."
Me: "They are?"
E: "Well...you are. But he doesn't do silly stuff like that."
(insert judgmental look)
Me: "I'm not scared of bugs!"
E: "Oh, come on, Mom."
(July 29, 2010)
No fun on his watch
Went to the pool for a few hours until we were rained out. I felt one drop, told the kiddo it was time to go, and didn't even have time to get back to the chair to gather my stuff before it started POURING.
I decided to enjoy the moment and dance around in the rain as we were walking back home. E was not amused. Rather than join me, he informed me that it wasn't very smart to dance in the rain in a parking lot and that it wasn't his fault if I was hit by lightning.
Thanks, Captain Buzzkill.
(July 3, 2010)
I decided to enjoy the moment and dance around in the rain as we were walking back home. E was not amused. Rather than join me, he informed me that it wasn't very smart to dance in the rain in a parking lot and that it wasn't his fault if I was hit by lightning.
Thanks, Captain Buzzkill.
(July 3, 2010)
At least the birds can enjoy it
One last ripe, delicious cherry tomato left on the vine...
E: "Can I eat it?"
Me: "You don't even like tomatoes."
E: "Yes I do," with a tone implying that I clearly know nothing about his life.
Me: "Ok, then."
E washes the tomato and pops it in his mouth.
Me: "Is it good?"
E: "No, it's terrible!"
*Spits it onto the ground in a dramatic fashion*
E: "I forgot that I don't like tomatoes."
Me: "Ok, then."
(July 1, 2010)
E: "Can I eat it?"
Me: "You don't even like tomatoes."
E: "Yes I do," with a tone implying that I clearly know nothing about his life.
Me: "Ok, then."
E washes the tomato and pops it in his mouth.
Me: "Is it good?"
E: "No, it's terrible!"
*Spits it onto the ground in a dramatic fashion*
E: "I forgot that I don't like tomatoes."
Me: "Ok, then."
(July 1, 2010)
Alaska's got nothing on Africa
E: "Mama? Did you know that Texas is the 2nd biggest state?"
Me: "I do! Do you know what the biggest state is?"
E: "Of course. Africa."
(June 14, 2010)
Me: "I do! Do you know what the biggest state is?"
E: "Of course. Africa."
(June 14, 2010)
Self-centeredness is next to Godliness
Another bedtime story...
Me: "Thank you for being such a great kiddo today at PaPa's. I love you."
E: "Yeah. I'm just like God."
Me: "Well, you're just the way God made you. Which is just about perfect."
E: "Yeah. That's what I meant."
Honestly? I wouldn't be shocked if he meant it the way he said it the first time.
(May 31, 2010)
Me: "Thank you for being such a great kiddo today at PaPa's. I love you."
E: "Yeah. I'm just like God."
Me: "Well, you're just the way God made you. Which is just about perfect."
E: "Yeah. That's what I meant."
Honestly? I wouldn't be shocked if he meant it the way he said it the first time.
(May 31, 2010)
Goodnight...but wait
Me: "Goodnight, Baby. Love you bunches!"
E: "Love you, too, Mommy."
Me: "Have sweet dreams and I'll see you in the morning."
E: "Ok. Quick question before you go...how do boys and girls make babies?"
Me: "What?"
(May 23, 2010)
E: "Love you, too, Mommy."
Me: "Have sweet dreams and I'll see you in the morning."
E: "Ok. Quick question before you go...how do boys and girls make babies?"
Me: "What?"
(May 23, 2010)
About me
My mom's name is Sara. She is 6 feet tall. She weighs 140 pounds (love him!). She is 28 years old. She is as pretty as an angel. Her favorite food is shishie (sushi). When my mom was little, she liked to ride her bike and go to school. My favorite thing about my mother is that she takes care of me and plays with me. She looks prettiest when we go to a restaurant.
- Evan's school project for Mother's Day
(May 12, 2010)
- Evan's school project for Mother's Day
(May 12, 2010)
I want for nothing
My mom was talking to E about what I might want him to get me for Mother's Day. His response?
"She pretty much has everything she needs."
Thanks, kiddo.
(May 7, 2010)
"She pretty much has everything she needs."
Thanks, kiddo.
(May 7, 2010)
Tomayto, Tomahto
While watching Blue's Clues:
E: "That family celebrates Hanukkah."
Me: "Yep."
E: "They're just like us, except they're jealous."
Me: "What?"
E: "You know. Like we're Christian, and they're jealous."
Me: "You mean JEWISH?"
E: "Yeah. Jewish. That's what I said."
(December 20, 2009)
E: "That family celebrates Hanukkah."
Me: "Yep."
E: "They're just like us, except they're jealous."
Me: "What?"
E: "You know. Like we're Christian, and they're jealous."
Me: "You mean JEWISH?"
E: "Yeah. Jewish. That's what I said."
(December 20, 2009)
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